A funny thing happened...(Blog reason#2 self-discovery)

A funny thing happened on my way to spinsterhood.

I am poised in this crazy middle ground of existence. I am rather old: I am the mother of 6 children, two of them officially adults (age wise); I was married for 13 years; I co-own several businesses; I am mired in responsibility and daily duties; I am acutely aware of how my decisions affect the children in my care; I would rather hang out at home and play board games or watch movies with my kids on Friday night than hit the clubs. On the other hand, I am rather young: In a world where people are waiting longer and longer to get married and have children, 35 is not exactly over the hill just yet. My grandmother recently celebrated her 95th birthday. I could have 60+ more years of living on my horizon. I am still (suprisingly) mistaken for a teenager. Perhaps it is my behavior? I think I still have a bit of life in me yet.

When my marriage ended four years ago, I was asked what my plans were for dating and remarrying. "You think I'd EVER want to do this again??!" was my immediate reply. The idea seemed ludicrous at best. Although I loved my husband, my marriage had been fraught with many issues. I am rather pragmatic, though, and would have stayed married forever had the safety of my children not come into question.

So, where's this funny thing that happened, you ask?
I'm getting there. Be. Patient.

For three years, I was unwavering in my decision to live my life in relationship solitude. I declined all dating offers, including some particularly persistent ones. My focus was entirely on my children as I restructured all of our lives. This past year, however, I started to sense the actual length of time my self-induced sentence comprised, and began rethinking my stance. I was still unsure of actually changing my position for several reasons. Dating with kids in the mix, especially with a full house like mine, is a new proposition entirely.

As a mom, all of your decisions are weighted with how they affect your children. Buying tacos? Your kids might choke on the shells, and is that beef riddled with hormones? And, while we're at it, should they be eating meat at all? And, be sure to shred some spinach in there, so they get a good dose of vitamins unknowingly. You know, you better make that a whole grain soft-shell taco with lean, organic, free-range chicken instead of beef. And, add some shredded carrots and beets, too. Otherwise, how, in God's Holy name, will they make it safely to adulthood? You get the picture. And, that's just for tacos.

So, here's the funny thing. (FINALLY!): From out of nowhere, I got hit with a crush. I say I got hit because it was quite as shocking to me as being plowed into by a bus. I think. (I've not actually been hit by a bus, so that is supposition on my part.) I met an attractive, intelligent man who expressed an interest in getting to know me and possibly going on a date. Okay. Interesting. I might consider doing that. Hmm.

Now, add your own whooshing sound effect here, because this point in the story is where I was shot back at warp speed to my 12 year old self. I found myself with a crush on this man. Not so bad, you say? Perhaps not. But, I was now 12, remember? I was a complete moron. My best guess at deciphering the cause of my regression into adolescence is this: I was experiencing my first new crush in nearly 20 years and my brain did not know how to process the information.

So, I did a repeat of Jon Favreau's character in 'Swingers', only my medium of craziness was e-mail instead of answering machine.

My trouble here was technology. Had I only had access to this person by phone or in person, this would have never happened. I may have remained a normal human being. As it is, this world of instant communication was my downfall, especially given the propensity of misunderstanding in the written word.

The good news? I am back to my normal self. Whew. On with the business of life. I no doubt ruined any chance I had at becoming friends with this man, which is too bad because he is a cool guy. And, honestly, I'm pretty fucking cool myself, so we both lose. :P

It does feel good to return to normalcy, and I have him to thank for that, too. He told me to "relax". SHHHOOOOOOOOONK. Propelled at dizzying speed back to my 35yr old self. Relax? This was a serious eye opener. No one has EVER told me to relax. EVER! I am the poster child for relaxed. I am a Type B personality in the extreme. I may be type G or H, even. I am nothing if not laid-back. The obvious irony of the ordeal is that I came across as quite the opposite of my true nature. Ah well, I am just breathing a sigh of relief to be back to my normal self.

Ahhhh.... me.

The moral of the story? Technology has put a new spin on our lives in a big way. I've read stories of people finding true love online, stories of total relationship disaster stemming from online issues, and everything in between. I read an article recently stating that women tend to come across better in person whereas men appear more enticing online. Where does that leave us? Who knows? I'm not even sure what to make of that statement. I do know instant messaging, cell phones, texting, e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Google Wave, Google Buzz, etc. certainly throw some new twists into the dating world. But in the end, I think it's all the same. A bit more confusing at times? Perhaps. Then again, passing notes in 7th grade was pretty darn confusing too.

The upside of my disaster? I learned something about myself in the process. My self-imposed limitations are just that: limiting. Will I date? Will I re-marry? Prior to this, I would have given you an unequivocal NO WAY, JOSE! But now? Who knows? I'm open to possibilities. One thing is for certain, though. I will be much more cautious before hitting that send button.